Ask Bart Anything

[PolkaDot]

Is it wrong to put a potato in the front of my cycling shorts?  I think it is the same as makeup.

lol. What? The potato is the same as makeup? I would LOVE for you to expound on this one @whoozit . I want to hear about how you think makeup hides the "real person" and then (please make sure to include) how much you prefer natural women (who are actually wearing makeup). Have you been stealthed?

lol

[whoozit]

lol. What? The potato is the same as makeup? I would LOVE for you to expound on this one @whoozit . I want to hear about how you think makeup hides the "real person" and then (please make sure to include) how much you prefer natural women (who are actually wearing makeup). Have you been stealthed?

lol

I made a joke at my expense knowing Bart’s cycling fetish would cause him to respond.  I likened altering my appearance to a woman using makeup to alter theirs.  The backstory to that observation goes back a few years to when I was in grad school.  I spent the better part of two years with the same group of people.  One of them, we’ll call her Stacy, was a nice person and was neither very attractive nor ugly.  When ever I saw her she either had no or very little makeup on.  At our hooding ceremony she looked much more attractive than usual.  After the ceremony a couple of my friends remarked that Stacy looked very nice.  It then dawned on all of us it was due to her makeup.  I’d be lying if I said I got Stacy to a more intimate environment and got a big (or little) surprise.    It is not really a cautionary tale but we all realized how we could be affected by a little war paint. @PolkaDot

[Bart Ell]

I made a joke at my expense knowing Bart’s cycling fetish would cause him to respond.  I likened altering my appearance to a woman using makeup to alter theirs.  The backstory to that observation goes back a few years to when I was in grad school.  I spent the better part of two years with the same group of people.  One of them, we’ll call her Stacy, was a nice person and was neither very attractive nor ugly.  When ever I saw her she either had no or very little makeup on.  At our hooding ceremony she looked much more attractive than usual.  After the ceremony a couple of my friends remarked that Stacy looked very nice.  It then dawned on all of us it was due to her makeup.  I’d be lying if I said I got Stacy to a more intimate environment and got a big (or little) surprise.    It is not really a cautionary tale but we all realized how we could be affected by a little war paint. @PolkaDot

Admit it - all you wanted from Stacy were the handlebar grip streamers she had on her bicycle.

[whoozit]

Admit it - all you wanted from Stacy were the handlebar grip streamers she had on her bicycle.

You see right through me. 

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart, 

Why did hoods wearing panty hose over their heads go out of style? It was a classic look.

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[sean92008]

Bart, 

Why did hoods wearing panty hose over their heads go out of style? It was a classic look.

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I can answer that! Most pantyhose smell like ballsacks nowadays.

[Bart Ell]

Bart, 

Why did hoods wearing panty hose over their heads go out of style? It was a classic look.

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No women under 70 wear them anymore so they are harder to find.

[Bart Ell]

I can answer that! Most pantyhose smell like ballsacks nowadays.

Then stop rubbing yourself on women over 70.

[GravitySucks]

Bart, 

Why did hoods wearing panty hose over their heads go out of style? It was a classic look.

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@Walks_At_Night back around 93 or 94 I was  tasked to work on a lawsuit brought against my employer. One day during lunch this stenographer told us about a guy that pulled that routine during a deposition that was videotaped. She brought in a VHS tape the next day to show us she wasn’t making it up.

The thing is that he wasn’t wearing it when he walked in and sat down. He saw the video camera and started yelling saying “nobody told me there was going to be a camera” or some nonsense. Then he reaches in his pocket, pulls out a nylon. Puts it on and continues. I can’t find it on YouTube but shortly after his mother starts getting tough questions, she apparently fakes a heart attack and it gets pretty wild as he starts screaming “You kilt my momma! You kilt my momma!

They were still in style 30 years ago

[Walks_At_Night]

@Walks_At_Night back around 93 or 94 I was  tasked to work on a lawsuit brought against my employer. One day during lunch this stenographer told us about a guy that pulled that routine during a deposition that was videotaped. She brought in a VHS tape the next day to show us she wasn’t making it up.

The thing is that he wasn’t wearing it when he walked in and sat down. He saw the video camera and started yelling saying “nobody told me there was going to be a camera” or some nonsense. Then he reaches in his pocket, pulls out a nylon. Puts it on and continues. I can’t find it on YouTube but shortly after his mother starts getting tough questions, she apparently fakes a heart attack and it gets pretty wild as he starts screaming “You kilt my momma! You kilt my momma!

They were still in style 30 years ago

Note to self. Always stuff a pair of panty hose into a pocket prior to any legal proceeding. Might be a hoot at a real estate closing. Sure I'll sign and initial 101 times but first..........

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[JUAN]

If this facial recognition stuff becomes more widespread, nylons may become more widely used, too.

[TigerLily]

Monsieur Bartrand
I have always lived a sheltered life in sunny climes. I'm time-phasing the Bengals/Buffalo game right now. Just saw Damar stand up and wave. So cool. But I digress...
It's pouring down snow. But that isn't the right phrase is it? It pours down rain but what does snow do?
Thank you in advance for your knowledge and experience. So experienced
Your groupie
TigerLily

[Bart Ell]

It's pouring down snow. But that isn't the right phrase is it? It pours down rain but what does snow do?

It comes down as hard as your 400lb mom after she trips on the skateboard at the top of the stairs.

[TigerLily]

It comes down as hard as your 400lb mom after she trips on the skateboard at the top of the stairs.

Hmmm..seems a bit wordy. But you're the boss. Let me go try it out...

[HamsterMuscle]

Hmmm..seems a bit wordy. But you're the boss. Let me go try it out...

"It's a god damned blizzard out there"

"Holy hell it's really coming down."

"It's snowing its ass off out there."