Whatever: The Open Lines Thread

[Walks_At_Night]

Why are you driving a compact car?
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@PolkaDot
I'm not. It's Mrs. WAN's car and it is not quite *that* compact.

The next question is why is it so hard to buy a $211.99 battery for a not quite *that* compact car?  Order the battery online at Advance Auto's website. Closest locale is one town over - website states that the battery is in stock and will be ready in 30 minutes. Wait 30 minutes, drive one town over and pop in to pick up my battery. Talk to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour working behind the counter.  They look flumoxed  and go into a confab in back.  10 minutes later they come back and fess up that they don't have the $211.99 battery in stock and that I should wait a spell. I wait a spell whilst the Blue Comedy Tour gets on the blower with a different location. A deal is struck and I am told to go the location on Highway XYZ - which is two towns over. I am given a stack of papers that state that the Advance Auto that is one town over has blessed me picking up the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car at the two towns over location on XYZ Highway.

So I drive two towns over to location on XYZ Highway with my stack of paperwork given to me by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I go inside quite confident that just like the movie, I'll be gone in 60 seconds. I am not gone in 60 seconds. I talk to the Marx Brothers working at the two towns over location on XYZ Highway. I explain the situation and told them that the  Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys called over to ensure that the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car was actually in stock. The Marx Brothers huddle up and Groucho determines that niether Zeppo, Harpo nor Chico ever spoke with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys regarding the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car. Groucho also states that he Groucho, also never received such a call either. However, I am to wait while he Groucho reviews the paperwork that I received from the Blue Collar Comedy tour guys  regarding my apparently unobtainable $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car.  5 minutes go by. 10 minutes go by. 15 minutes go by. Eventually, Groucho returns and states that I must go to the location on XYZ Highway that is three towns over and that it is a balls up as even though the paper work that I obtained from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys at the location one town over states that I am to go to the two town over location on XYZ Highway to get the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car the Blue Collar Comedy guys had actually spoke with the three town over in the hood location on XYZ Highway.

So I go into the hood and arrive at the three town over location on XYZ Highway, walk in, explain the situation to Flavor Flav and hand him the paper work that was created by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and the amended by the Marx Brothers. Flavor hooks me up with the $211.99 for the not quite *that* compact car battery and I am gone in 60 seconds. However as I am loading the $211.99 for the not quite *that* compact car battery into my vehicle which is not compact at all, I notice a dude pissing in the parking lot. Flavor Flav has also notices this and he comes out with a broom and starts poking at the pisser with the handle while yelling not very nice things.

The shit ain't easy.............

[TigerLily]

Oh. @Walks_At_Night . You are so good. Seriously. You could be the Tech Guy version of Erma Bombeck or Dave Whatshisname. They got rich. I mean. I feel your pain and all that but you are so good. But I mean really. Red Heat and Other Stories is an unpublished Classic. Now you are working on Volume II. At least copyright the Red Heat stories

[Walks_At_Night]

Oh. @Walks_At_Night . You are so good. Seriously. You could be the Tech Guy version of Erma Bombeck or Dave Whatshisname. They got rich. I mean. I feel your pain and all that but you are so good. But I mean really. Red Heat and Other Stories is an unpublished Classic. Now you are working on Volume II. At least copyright the Red Heat stories

Well thanks. Red Heat has kind of dried up due to a dearth of material with not going into the office anymore. Still there have been a few things.  Maybe I should do an update?

[PB]

Why is a battery for a Compact Car $211.99?

Are there any cheaper batteries specifically made for other cars but would work for yours?  As long as the voltage and all that is the same, and they fit the space your car has, they work perfectly fine.

Did the local U-Pull have any used batteries from crashed cars that would work?  At our local junkyard they were $10 last time I got one. 

Just don't tell the Mrs.

[Walks_At_Night]

Are there any cheaper batteries specifically made for other cars but would work for yours?  As long as the voltage and all that is the same, and they fit the space your car has, they work perfectly fine.

Did the local U-Pull have any used batteries from crashed cars that would work?  At our local junkyard they were $10 last time I got one. 

Just don't tell the Mrs.

Solid advice. I didn't think of either but will remember next time.

[PolkaDot]

@PolkaDot
I'm not. It's Mrs. WAN's car and it is not quite *that* compact.

The next question is why is it so hard to buy a $211.99 battery for a not quite *that* compact car?  Order the battery online at Advance Auto's website. Closest locale is one town over - website states that the battery is in stock and will be ready in 30 minutes. Wait 30 minutes, drive one town over and pop in to pick up my battery. Talk to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour working behind the counter.  They look flumoxed  and go into a confab in back.  10 minutes later they come back and fess up that they don't have the $211.99 battery in stock and that I should wait a spell. I wait a spell whilst the Blue Comedy Tour gets on the blower with a different location. A deal is struck and I am told to go the location on Highway XYZ - which is two towns over. I am given a stack of papers that state that the Advance Auto that is one town over has blessed me picking up the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car at the two towns over location on XYZ Highway.

So I drive two towns over to location on XYZ Highway with my stack of paperwork given to me by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I go inside quite confident that just like the movie, I'll be gone in 60 seconds. I am not gone in 60 seconds. I talk to the Marx Brothers working at the two towns over location on XYZ Highway. I explain the situation and told them that the  Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys called over to ensure that the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car was actually in stock. The Marx Brothers huddle up and Groucho determines that niether Zeppo, Harpo nor Chico ever spoke with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys regarding the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car. Groucho also states that he Groucho, also never received such a call either. However, I am to wait while he Groucho reviews the paperwork that I received from the Blue Collar Comedy tour guys  regarding my apparently unobtainable $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car.  5 minutes go by. 10 minutes go by. 15 minutes go by. Eventually, Groucho returns and states that I must go to the location on XYZ Highway that is three towns over and that it is a balls up as even though the paper work that I obtained from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guys at the location one town over states that I am to go to the two town over location on XYZ Highway to get the $211.99 battery for the not quite *that* compact car the Blue Collar Comedy guys had actually spoke with the three town over in the hood location on XYZ Highway.

So I go into the hood and arrive at the three town over location on XYZ Highway, walk in, explain the situation to Flavor Flav and hand him the paper work that was created by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and the amended by the Marx Brothers. Flavor hooks me up with the $211.99 for the not quite *that* compact car battery and I am gone in 60 seconds. However as I am loading the $211.99 for the not quite *that* compact car battery into my vehicle which is not compact at all, I notice a dude pissing in the parking lot. Flavor Flav has also notices this and he comes out with a broom and starts poking at the pisser with the handle while yelling not very nice things.

The shit ain't easy.............

LOL  I feel like this wouldn't have happened if your wife drove a a *real* car. @Walks_At_Night

[PolkaDot]

Well thanks. Red Heat has kind of dried up due to a dearth of material with not going into the office anymore. Still there have been a few things.  Maybe I should do an update?

Yes! Please!

[KSM]

Had a short conversation with a guy who was up here from LA.  He mentioned the crime down there and compared it to The Purge. Wasn't kidding as he went on to list several incidents spanning all manner of law breaking!

[TigerLily]

Had a short conversation with a guy who was up here from LA.  He mentioned the crime down there and compared it to The Purge. Wasn't kidding as he went on to list several incidents spanning all manner of law breaking!

LA spans about 50 miles easy. There are parts I wouldn't go in with an armored tank ever. But there are very many cool and beautiful parts. It's the biggest big city literally talking mileage and population. For instance UCLA is in Westwood near Beverly Hills. USC is in the ghetto. Nasty area. You have to be street smart. Bumpkins beware

[Camazotz Automat]

It is a GREAT DAY to receive business response Snail Mail!

I cannot reveal the contents, but a charmed experience in 2022 is very possible.

I have been dormant for far too long.

Arise from thine Lazarusarian chrysalis, bitch!

(Why do I feel this is connected to the Hydaway water bottles acquisition? Superstitious murmurings ebb and flow like a reverse tracked song by The Moody Blues. Diminished 5ths pull down a chord...)

I want a chilled green bottled Dos Equis to subtlety celebrate.

As Bruce Dickinson said in his humorous autobiography, (a book I highly recommend to any fan of Ronnie James Dio, Ian Gillan, Johnny Cash, & Arthur Brown, to name a few of his idols / influences he mentioned )
Bruce said :

Beer is the key.

(A somewhat cryptic post, but I had to release.)

THANK THE GODS FOR SNAIL MAIL IN A CHAOTIC CLUSTERFUCKED TIMELINE.

Now. Cold. Green. Glass.

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[ItsOver]

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[Walks_At_Night]

Yes! Please!

Well both you and Laser have expressed some interest. I'll have to do an update this week.

[TigerLily]

Well both you and Laser have expressed some interest. I'll have to do an update this week.

Hope I was at least a semi-muse having mentioned you should write a full roman à clef. Just a sincere Acknowledgement and a percentage of the profits will do

[TigerLily]

Well both you and Laser and TigerLily have expressed some interest. I'll have to do an update this week.

[TigerLily]

It is a GREAT DAY to receive business response Snail Mail!

I cannot reveal the contents, but a charmed experience in 2022 is very possible.

I have been dormant for far too long.

Arise from thine Lazarusarian chrysalis, bitch!

(Why do I feel this is connected to the Hydaway water bottles acquisition? Superstitious murmurings ebb and flow like a reverse tracked song by The Moody Blues. Diminished 5ths pull down a chord...)

I want a chilled green bottled Dos Equis to subtlety celebrate.

As Bruce Dickinson said in his humorous autobiography, (a book I highly recommend to any fan of Ronnie James Dio, Ian Gillan, Johnny Cash, & Arthur Brown, to name a few of his idols / influences he mentioned )
Bruce said :

Beer is the key.

(A somewhat cryptic post, but I had to release.)

THANK THE GODS FOR SNAIL MAIL IN A CHAOTIC CLUSTERFUCKED TIMELINE.

Now. Cold. Green. Glass.

visitors can't see pics , please register or login

Sounds perfectly titillating. Somewhat demonic and I love all your musical influences. I will lift a Bohemian - it will be a nice break from the champagne I guzzled at Christmas and Round Two for New Year's Eve - in your honor and request I be put on the wait list