Ask Bart Anything

[JUAN]

DHL has lost a package coming to me at its warehouse in Montreal. Can you zip up there and find it for them?

[Bart Ell]

DHL has lost a package coming to me at its warehouse in Montreal. Can you zip up there and find it for them?

You bet!
I am waiting for a preamp from Memphis, think you can skip on over and get that for me?

[JUAN]

On the way.

[whoozit]

Bart, last night I went grocery shopping.  While perusing delectable items on the shelves of my local Food Maxx, I had a run in with an unpleasant old woman on one of those electric buggy things for fat people.  In the ensuing brouhaha I dropped an envelope containing my November and December rent money.  Some unscrupulous individual absconded with it before I could disengage with the crone.  Can you cover my housing costs for the next two months?

[Bart Ell]

Bart, last night I went grocery shopping.  While perusing delectable items on the shelves of my local Food Maxx, I had a run in with an unpleasant old woman on one of those electric buggy things for fat people.  In the ensuing brouhaha I dropped an envelope containing my November and December rent money.  Some unscrupulous individual absconded with it before I could disengage with the crone.  Can you cover my housing costs for the next two months?

I would love to help you out but I was robbed by a black man (not racist, just telling you what he was) at Walmart earlier today. He bonked me on the head and took my money as I was waiting to return some Halloween candy that attacked my stomach after I ate only 70% of it.

[KSM]

I would love to help you out but I was robbed by a black man (not racist, just telling you what he was) at Walmart earlier today. He bonked me on the head and took my money as I was waiting to return some Halloween candy that attacked my stomach after I ate only 70% of it.

Sounds pretty racist to me. Racist by he, the colored fella. He robbed you coz you're a cracker-as-cracka' with candy!

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Is sacrificing two hunks of precious pizza worth stopping a sidewalk brawl?

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

Is sacrificing two hunks of precious pizza worth stopping a sidewalk brawl?

Brawl?
All I see is a poorly choreographed attempt at a viral video.

[Walks_At_Night]

Brawl?
All I see is a poorly choreographed attempt at a viral video.

Ok. Message received. Quality over quantity.

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

There is no bag limit on hunting Bobcat here in NC. Hillbilly Jim and his hound pack have been on quite a run. He'll be in town next week and offered to drop a few back straps and leg quarters off for me to grill. I declined with the thought that Mrs. WAN wouldn't be happy about me cooking a cat out back....but darn. It looks pretty good. Did I make a mistake?

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

There is no bag limit on hunting Bobcat here in NC. Hillbilly Jim and his hound pack have been on quite a run. He'll be in town next week and offered to drop a few back straps and leg quarters off for me to grill. I declined with the thought that Mrs. WAN wouldn't be happy about me cooking a cat out back....but darn. It looks pretty good. Did I make a mistake?

Yes.
The issue seems to be that Mrs. WAN would be upset with you cooking cat out back....
YOU COULD HAVE COOKED IT IN THE KITCHEN AND EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE!

[PolkaDot]

Bart,

There is no bag limit on hunting Bobcat here in NC. Hillbilly Jim and his hound pack have been on quite a run. He'll be in town next week and offered to drop a few back straps and leg quarters off for me to grill. I declined with the thought that Mrs. WAN wouldn't be happy about me cooking a cat out back....but darn. It looks pretty good. Did I make a mistake?

@Walks_At_Night I'm bummed that you gave up the opportunity to try an interesting meat. Where is your since of adventure?

[TigerLily]

Bart,

There is no bag limit on hunting Bobcat here in NC. Hillbilly Jim and his hound pack have been on quite a run. He'll be in town next week and offered to drop a few back straps and leg quarters off for me to grill. I declined with the thought that Mrs. WAN wouldn't be happy about me cooking a cat out back....but darn. It looks pretty good. Did I make a mistake?

I would have been much more impressed if you offered to capture one live, raise and nuture it and name her Lily

[KSM]

Can you foresee a day when a Poppy won't stab my chest or fall off when I put my seatbelt on?  Same design year after year with the damn pin, Bart! Can we not just have something that sticks on? Mine is always falling off and I'll find myself amongst others who still have them on..   I then feel obligated to let them know that I know what's up and that I'm not an ungrateful douche but they don't care because all they see is some long hair asshole in his leather jacket and I'm with stupid shirt.

[PolkaDot]

Can you foresee a day when a Poppy won't stab my chest or fall off when I put my seatbelt on?  Same design year after year with the damn pin, Bart! Can we not just have something that sticks on? Mine is always falling off and I'll find myself amongst others who still have them on..   I then feel obligated to let them know that I know what's up and that I'm not an ungrateful douche but they don't care because all they see is some long hair asshole in his leather jacket and I'm with stupid shirt.

Maybe you should ask your wife not to wear that shirt