Poll

This is a real scenario.  Regarding the salutation, "Have a nice day", GD believes

It is polite.
0 (0%)
It is too commanding.
0 (0%)
It is juvenile.
0 (0%)
No one actually means it.
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 0

Voting closed: January 28, 2019, 01:49:27 AM

Author Topic: Living With Grandma's Daughter  (Read 1960 times)

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Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2018, 12:40:26 AM »
GD came back.  After her 3-night stint.  I was gone 11 hours the day she returned.  She returned to a spotless home.  I also cleaned a small furnace while she was gone, which she knows.

I hadn't been in the door one minute when she became confrontational because she jumped to conclusions about something I said.  Didn't give me a chance to clarify.  At bedtime.  Sheesh.

This morning wasn't much better. Got to wake up hearing her berate a poor service worker on the phone for ten minutes.  Even when the representative gave good explanations, and even when GD started to be rational, she re-escalated over and over, ending the call horribly rudely and abruptly.  Only one F-word the whole time, though.

A few minutes later, I came out of my rented room.  So, I live here.  As such, I have a right to sit civilly at the kitchen table a bit when I wake up.  However, her mood hadn't shifted at all.  I got the same crap as the phone rep.  She was escalating; I was not.  This woman, who tried to rip my door off its hinges last week, suddenly went beserk again this morning.  Arms flailing, voice raised, crying bloody murder.  Yelling, "Why don't you respect my boundary?!". She didn't want me at the table ( a table she had had to herself for six consecutive hours).  I answered that I was raised by someone such as herself, lol.  I think she took it as a compliment.

Knowing she has undiagnosed hypoglycemia, I asked when her last meal was.  She scoffed, as I retreated back to my room, but I heard her eat a few minutes later.  I'd sure like to get a glucose reading from pricking her finger when she starts to rage, but it doesn't seem likely that I ever will.  I did give her homeopathic calming pellets, and she accepted them.

She went to the store a couple hours later.  I guess we made up, because she brought me a couple cans of food for the cat.  That was nice of her.

She doesn't know the cat tossed her cookies all day in multiple locations because of the morning yelling.  It's not the first time.  I mentioned it to GD once before.  I should mention it again?  Not sure.  Anything I say is used against me.  Mere mention of vomit could spark outrage over the (very worn) carpet.  Or, she would dismiss it as the cat just "being old".  From now on, though, I am going to put the cat in my room with white noise and feed her lightly during these outbursts.  I'm not supposed to feed her in my room, but then again, how many places does GD want tossed cookies!

Just in case the vomiting was caused by industry contamination, I opened a new can even though it wasn't at all time yet.  I microwaved the rest of the first can to purify it, even though it was just from yesterday.  I put it in a container in the freezer because I am not sure I'm ruling it out.  Money's tight.  But I also know there are problems with pet food companies from here which operate in China.  I'll probably discard it.

Kitty is fine.  She didn't have any distress otherwise, and broth then dinner stayed down.  So much cleaning.  It took a long time, and some things like her pet bed are still a bit damp.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2018, 08:25:54 AM »
GD and I had talked abojt me getting some Queso Ranchero so she could sample a piece.  She didn't know what it was.  I melted a piece over a tortilla chip, then cut a raw piece and put the two samples in a tiny bowl.  I told her what I was doing.  It was lunch time. I set the bowl on the table.  We had a rapport going.

You would have thought I served her a possom!  She went from zero to ten on the agitation scale, flailing her arms, insisting, "Make it go away!  Not now!"  Sheesh.  My goodness.  Unbelievable rudeness.  I scooted it to the other end of the table, insulted but more feeling sorry for someone so wacko.

It had been fun watching Amy Goodman hound a resistant Trump employee together.  To the bumper music of, "You say goodbye; I say hello".  Amy Goodman works out!  She can do some serious aerobics chasing down people to interview.  Go, Amy! That was hot.

rekcuf

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2018, 08:35:50 AM »
looking forward to reading the post where you've brutally murdered and dismembered GD and stuffed her remains into a freezer. happy hunting.

Astro Bitch

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2018, 09:32:19 AM »
Keep a diary of this stuff, one day it will make a good TV show.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2018, 01:46:27 PM »
This morning while I was prepping food: 
GD:  I have a very busy day.  I'll be leaving soon.
Me:  Would you like me to make a sack lunch for you?
GD:  No.

Later, while I was working out:
GD:  Now I have to leave and I don't have a lunch packed.
Me:  Would you like a couple meal replacement bars?
GD:  No, would you fix me a lunch while I finish getting ready to leave?

What would you do?  I had already offered a sack lunch when I was food prepping earlier and she said no.  Now that I was in the middle of a workout, I even offered a couple nutrition bars.  But she asked me to heat up and pack a lunch, in the middle of my workout!

What would you do?

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2018, 01:55:45 PM »
looking forward to reading the post where you've brutally murdered and dismembered GD and stuffed her remains into a freezer. happy hunting.
Au contraire!  I better keep working out!!

I can't even carve a chicken without praying for my soul, Honey.

Keep a diary of this stuff, one day it will make a good TV show.
Same to you, Dear!

Astro Bitch

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2018, 04:17:55 PM »
May be my FIL and your GD need to hook up and we can all watch the sparks fly?
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2018, 02:20:15 AM »
May be my FIL and your GD need to hook up and we can all watch the sparks fly?
That's great.  She's still quite cute and very wholesome, active, tidy.  Loves the earth, the environment, bridge, good movies and nature walks.  However, she can't stand guns though :(  !

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2018, 02:22:32 AM »
Quiet night.  She wore herself out in save the earth meetings today.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2018, 06:13:13 PM »
Maybe she is getting the point about hypoglycemia.  She tried to start a fight, but when I retreated, she ate. 

I ended up packing her lunch yesterday.  Odd, when she got home, she expected me to UNPACK the remains and clean it all up.  You give her an inch and she expects a mile.  Like when I empty the bulky kitchen garbage she wondered why I didn't empty the waste basket in her room!  Like when I haul a seasonal vacuum or fan to the garage, she wonders why I don't find a slipcover to put over it.  (Because she is far from helpless, that's why.  She doesn't have any arthritis or spinal problems, and she knows I do...)

Before her lunch, she was mean.  I dropped into the kitchen to give her the good news that she will have weekend mornings to herself soon, as I picked up a couple ongoing shifts.  My income went up 300% (which still is not much).  Instead of being happy for the improvement, she berated me for not doing better.
We are not Asian.  I can't imagine what is wrong with her.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #25 on: December 16, 2018, 02:01:20 AM »
Movies tonight.  And she goes to bed the same way she starts her day, with nary a salutation.  Here one minute, gone the next.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2018, 12:32:21 AM »
Sad day.

I stayed in my room again today, as has been very common lately when I am home.  It seems to make her happier.  I overheard her on a call, with a serious blood pressure concern.  I knew she might have to go to urgent care.  I came out and told her I was going outside to exercise.  I didn't say anything about her health because yesterday she got angry when I noticed she was taking her blood pressure in the dining room.

Well, while I was exercising, she drove by, rolled down her window and said she was "just going out for a little bit".  I knew she was probably going to urgent care but I didn't comment on that, bec I had only overheard her phone call earlier.  She had not actually told me.

When I got back in, I saw she had been monitoring BP.  It was obvious by the notes that she had needed to go to urgent care.  She should have let me drive her.

I put up Christmas lights as she had said she would like.  I put out the rest of her presents.  I did her dishes.  I vacuumed her floors.  And worried about her.

Four hours later she texted that she was going to sleep at my sibling's house quite a ways away.  She is not very emotionally close to them, and they are much further from the urgent care clinic.  I assumed she asked them for a ride home from the hospital, and that her car is still there.  Maybe not.

But why not have let me pick her up?  I have all the time in the world, live here in her home, and have a good driving record.  My sibling is very stressed out from work, tomorrow is Monday, and that entire family has a car crash practically every season.

I texted GD back to ask if she had arrived at their house yet.  She said no, and indicated they were with her, at the pharmacy.

Later I texted them and they warmly said GD is there and in bed, feeling fine.

Cinderella here is trying not to take it personally.  I feel like chopped liver.

She changed from Eloquis to Warfarin a couple months ago, because of the price.  But the whole new vitamin K thing gives her anxiety (reasonably) plus with Warfarin she has to (copay and) get her blood checked a lot for vitamin K.  Evidently the stopping Eloquis has possibly affected her BP, in the last week, although I heard her blame the (sudden) BP increase on me.  Me?!  Whatever.

There is family-loaded emotional history, recent as well as years back, regarding her interacting negatively with others who have had the same concerns she now faces too.  And there is loaded history with her obvious pecking order of us siblings.  And, her always ridiculing my extra pounds, while I exercise all the time and she never even exercises at all!  But family psycho-history aside, right now it just feels sad and pitiful that her oldest child, me, is evidently a pariah in her own home, in her time of need. 

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 03:01:42 PM »
I called to check in her.  She was brusque, as she is with everyone.  I let her know again that I can always give her a ride, anytime.  She honest-to God, said no thank you.  I reiterated that I meant anytime in the future.  Gees.  Then I ran to the garage and detailed the car.

after leaving my sibling's house this morning, she did errands with an adult grandchild and is home now.  She liked my homemade cheese cake and the Christmas lights.  She removed her Christmas presents from me off the huge table and put them in a heap on a wide chair with some others.  We exchanged two minutes of communication.  She doesn't usually like in-person conversations, although she is a clinger on the phone.

I listen for gift clues all year.  I Christmas shop all year for fun or useful items with deep, deep discounts.  It is humbling but at the end of the year, it pays off.  Her gifts were all $2.75 or less each after tax, and they are beautiful and just what she needs.  A deco paring knife with an ergonomic handle, a matching deco chef's knife, 3 hard-bound blank square notepad books inside a beautiful tall, square box.  A thin knit pullover sweater with fluttering edged short sleeves and a little metallic thread.  A cheerful deco set of measuring cups.  A multi-colored measuring spoon set.  Some of the deco is an uplifting green, as she recently said she would like more green.  I know these gifts are small, but I am here out of hardship, and they are things she has said she needs.

She hates Christmas.  8 people will be here.  She still wants to buy gifts and is very stressed about it.  I presented a great idea for one gift, and told her about Amazon's wish lists, which her recipients use.  That cheered her up, but she won't capitalize on it.  If she were, she would have to start immediately to allow time for shipping.  It would motivate her if we had a printer so I could show her their lists.  Our library charges for prints.  I should write down her relatives' most realistic wishes, and give her a list.  There could still be time to do it.  Although, in the end she will stress out at the last minute.  After all, everything normal must be done the hard way.  Fun, easy, luxurious things must only be used for self-soothing, and with much guilt.

Astro Bitch

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #28 on: December 18, 2018, 10:40:46 PM »
That's great.  She's still quite cute and very wholesome, active, tidy.  Loves the earth, the environment, bridge, good movies and nature walks.  However, she can't stand guns though :(  !

Oh no, I didn't mean hook-up like that,, I meant be around each other and watch the sarcastic old man and the young in your face attitude argue it out about everything.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.

Sofia

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Re: Living With Grandma's Daughter
« Reply #29 on: December 19, 2018, 02:54:27 AM »
Oh no, I didn't mean hook-up like that,, I meant be around each other and watch the sarcastic old man and the young in your face attitude argue it out about everything.
That's a great thought!  To give her a change, for sure!