After Midnight

[FISH]

Okay, you all win. I concede defeat. I am admitting myself to Bellevue Hospital. I absolutely will be placed back on psychiatric medication and for absolute certain will be placed on AOT AGAIN, by default. I will be gone for quite some time. I’ll be medicated, in treatment, and safe - for life. I will be nice and controlled, living in abject fear for the rest of my time in this world. All the progress I have made is out the fucking window. I’ll probably be living in a group home and on the SSI till. At least I will never have to work again, I can sit on my fucking ass and swallowing pills and taking injections all day long like the rest of those fucking worthless leeches at the Pomona Clinic. Because I give up. Why fight it anymore and be in denial? I find my strength in weakness, wisdom in lies, and truth in deception. That Light inside of me I felt coming Back, my Humanity, the moving in my soul of ACTUALLY experiencing human emotion will be medicated away and gone forever. Homicidal thoughts will come back on medication, even suicidal thoughts. As I walk past police officers I will CONSTANTLY fight the very visceral urge to grab their Glock 23 from their holster and blow the back of my cranium apart. Or pulling over on The Tappan Zee Bridge and jumping to my death, for real. Because none of you are psychiatric survivors. None of you have had to bury other fellow comrades or go to the funerals. None of you. So the only person who might possibly could have made that one difference, could have turned the whole system on it’s head and changed it to a truly therapeutic one has given up. Congratulations, I hope you all feel powerful. Because I quit. I’m going back on medication. I am commiting voluntary suicide via mental health treatment. And after I get out of jail and back on psychiatric medication for life I sure do hope you all feel safe with that false sense of security. Because the most dangerous thing to a person’s safety, especially their own, is a compliant mental patient on meds. Again, congratulations. The Malcom X of the Psychiatric Survivor/Resistance Movement has thrown in the towel and given up. It’s over. I’ll be dead before I’m 50.

@Anthony , this is not a war in my opinion. I do not want you to live life as a robot. There are good people who want to see you experiencing happy emotions. It was wonderful to view your success as you arrived in the state of California. Why do you have to be homeless next month?

[Pizzapunch]

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[Anthony]

It’s cool. The War IS over. That trip I made to Cali will NEVER happen again because I will be pumped full of “liquid fear”. I will be a robot, a drone. Just another cog in the wheel. I won’t be able to drive again without being locked in paralyzing fear. Or walk up to a urinal and take a leak with other men in the bathroom at other urinals. Or talk to anybody and have friendships. What is coming is far worse. Being in a room, in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth, terrified of everyone and everything. I know because I have seen it in the hospital. I know because I have lived it. Now I get to live it again only this time permanently. I wouldn’t be surprised if I became catatonic.

[FISH]

It’s cool. The War IS over. That trip I made to Cali will NEVER happen again because I will be pumped full of “liquid fear”. I will be a robot, a drone. Just another cog in the wheel. I won’t be able to drive again without being locked in paralyzing fear. Or walk up to a urinal and take a leak with other men in the bathroom at other urinals. Or talk to anybody and have friendships. What is coming is far worse. Being in a room, in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth, terrified of everyone and everything. I know because I have seen it in the hospital. I know because I have lived it. Now I get to live it again only this time permanently. I wouldn’t be surprised if I became catatonic.

On April 5th, I posted a YouTube video from "Chariots Of Fire" in this thread. I posted it to recognize your success. Not sure if you ever saw the film "Chariots of Fire". It is a movie from the 80's. It is about two Olympic Gold Medalist runners and their experiences. Since you are a runner, this video seemed appropriate for your success.

[26 horses]

It’s cool. The War IS over. That trip I made to Cali will NEVER happen again because I will be pumped full of “liquid fear”. I will be a robot, a drone. Just another cog in the wheel. I won’t be able to drive again without being locked in paralyzing fear. Or walk up to a urinal and take a leak with other men in the bathroom at other urinals. Or talk to anybody and have friendships. What is coming is far worse. Being in a room, in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth, terrified of everyone and everything. I know because I have seen it in the hospital. I know because I have lived it. Now I get to live it again only this time permanently. I wouldn’t be surprised if I became catatonic.

Choose life - you need not surrender to psychiatric confinement.

[Anthony]

On April 5th, I posted a YouTube video from "Chariots Of Fire" in this thread. I posted it to recognize your success. Not sure if you ever saw the film "Chariots of Fire". It is a movie from the 80's. It is about two Olympic Gold Medalist runners and their experiences. Since you are a runner, this video seemed appropriate for your success.

I believe that movie was about Roger Bannister. I have seen it many times. It was required coming up on the squad in North Rockland. Not actually required but one of those unspoken understandings. Any competitive distance runner worth their metal has seen it. That one and “Without Limits”. “Without Limits” as a seasoned, race hardened veteran of the sport can attest that that one particularly is most realistic when depicting what we runners go through when locked in each other’s sights.

[GravitySucks]

It’s cool. The War IS over. That trip I made to Cali will NEVER happen again because I will be pumped full of “liquid fear”. I will be a robot, a drone. Just another cog in the wheel. I won’t be able to drive again without being locked in paralyzing fear. Or walk up to a urinal and take a leak with other men in the bathroom at other urinals. Or talk to anybody and have friendships. What is coming is far worse. Being in a room, in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth, terrified of everyone and everything. I know because I have seen it in the hospital. I know because I have lived it. Now I get to live it again only this time permanently. I wouldn’t be surprised if I became catatonic.

The trip shouldn’t have happened the first time. You spent money you didn’t have and no longer have your car. You scared the shit out of @Jedimiller and the only three people you impressed were the ones on Bellgab that were hoping you crashed and burned.  And you still haven’t been to Pahrump.

Take the meds.

[26 horses]

It's more than depressing to think of that new Beemer sitting on an impound lot in Jersey soon to be sold at salvage over a freaking $1,200 transport fee that Roger bannister decide to welch out on.

[GravitySucks]

I believe that movie was about Roger Bannister. I have seen it many times. It was required coming up on the squad in North Rockland. Not actually required but one of those unspoken understandings. Any competitive distance runner worth their metal has seen it. That one and “Without Limits”. “Without Limits” as a seasoned, race hardened veteran of the sport can attest that that one particularly is most realistic when depicting what we runners go through when locked in each other’s sights.

Bannister wasn’t the subject of that movie you dolt.

[FISH]

I believe that movie was about Roger Bannister. I have seen it many times. It was required coming up on the squad in North Rockland. Not actually required but one of those unspoken understandings. Any competitive distance runner worth their metal has seen it. That one and “Without Limits”. “Without Limits” as a seasoned, race hardened veteran of the sport can attest that that one particularly is most realistic when depicting what we runners go through when locked in each other’s sights.

HA! I never heard of the film Without Limits I just googled "Without Limits"
I found this video on YouTube. Is this the movie?

[Pizzapunch]

The trip shouldn’t have happened the first time. You spent money you didn’t have and no longer have your car. You scared the shit out of @Jedimiller and the only three people you impressed were the ones on Bellgab that were hoping you crashed and burned.  And you still haven’t been to Pahrump.

Take the meds.

Very well said I agree, also I was picturing "Gravity Sox" saying this from behind a desk in my head

[FISH]

The trip shouldn’t have happened the first time. You spent money you didn’t have and no longer have your car. You scared the shit out of @Jedimiller and the only three people you impressed were the ones on Bellgab that were hoping you crashed and burned.  And you still haven’t been to Pahrump.

Take the meds.

I still belong to BellGab. I have posted about 3 times in the past year in BellGab.
 I did not want @Anthony to be harmed. I did not want anyone to be harmed.
I was impressed with his successful journey from New York to California.
Just my opinion.

[Anthony]

The trip shouldn’t have happened the first time. You spent money you didn’t have and no longer have your car. You scared the shit out of @Jedimiller and the only three people you impressed were the ones on Bellgab that were hoping you crashed and burned.  And you still haven’t been to Pahrump.

Take the meds.

Oh I will take the meds. Plenty of them. You all clearly want me dead. Because I’m telling you right now somebodies going to get hurt and it’s most likely going to be me. So if I’m not on in a while and you go to legacy.com and see my obituary, I hope you get the warm fuzzies in side. You dolt.

[Anthony]

The trip shouldn’t have happened the first time. You spent money you didn’t have and no longer have your car. You scared the shit out of @Jedimiller and the only three people you impressed were the ones on Bellgab that were hoping you crashed and burned.  And you still haven’t been to Pahrump.

Take the meds.

I pee my pants every night.

[Bart Ell]

I pee my pants every night.

And now you are in the nursery.
Take care and brush your hair.