Ask Bart Anything

[HamsterMuscle]

They're great swimmers!

Do you find that it's harder to be funny since you started posting again?

[KSM]

I know Lia. She's a nice guy. Very misunderstood

Oh it's understood alright. AS A MEDIOCRE MALE SWIMMER!

[HamsterMuscle]

Oh it's understood alright. AS A MEDIOCRE MALE SWIMMER!

I thought that the "new schtik" of all caps typing and filling your diaper with rage wasn't working.  When you woke up this morning, were you feeling pretty dangerous?  You irascible dwarfman, you.

[KSM]

I thought that the "new schtik" of all caps typing and filling your diaper with rage wasn't working.  When you woke up this morning, were you feeling pretty dangerous?  You irascible dwarfman, you.

And speaking of mediocre. 

Nobody said anything about ALL CAPS YOU FUCKING DILDO. CAPS ARE GOOD! YOU SUCK in lower AND UPPER.

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

How can a podcast with Dana Carvey, David Spade and Johnny Knoxville be so boring and dry?

[Exile]

Bart,

How can a podcast with Dana Carvey, David Spade and Johnny Knoxville be so boring and dry?

I'm not Bart but I will take a shot at answering this question...

Carvey: DumbSpade: DumberKnoxville: Dumberer

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Can you make it all the way through to the end? I made it to 18 minutes and 32 seconds and now have a pain in my head. 

[HamsterMuscle]

Sir Bart:

I think that it's safe to assume that the average person has masturbated more times than he or she has had sex. Assuming that this is the case, what’s a normal and healthy ratio of the number of times you use the self-checkout as opposed to going to the cashier? 3:1? 5:1?  (We are talking the average person here -- Garth would have to be Wilt fuckin Chamberlain to hit a 5:1 ratio, for example)

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

How can a podcast with Dana Carvey, David Spade and Johnny Knoxville be so boring and dry?

How? It's not 1992.

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

Can you make it all the way through to the end? I made it to 18 minutes and 32 seconds and now have a pain in my head. 

I finished after 87 seconds.
To be fair I was already chubbed up when I started watching it.

[Bart Ell]

Sir Bart:

I think that it's safe to assume that the average person has masturbated more times than he or she has had sex. Assuming that this is the case, what’s a normal and healthy ratio of the number of times you use the self-checkout as opposed to going to the cashier? 3:1? 5:1?  (We are talking the average person here -- Garth would have to be Wilt fuckin Chamberlain to hit a 5:1 ratio, for example)

As a deviant I know very little about normal and healthy.
If we are going for a lifetime number I would guess it is 6:1 for most.
People who have been with someone for most of their lives in a normal and healthy relationship may be at 4:1

[KSM]

Garth would have to be Wilt fuckin Chamberlain

Definitely. But no wilting to speak of.

[paladin1991]

So Bart, the Quebecois Minister of Health calls me up.  All hysterical and shit, right? Fm what I can gather fm his purty france talking mouf, is that he needs my testosterone.  He feels that if he can get a donation fm me, stab Justine in the ass with it, and use Savate to Savate his ass out of the area, he might, just might, get some manliness outta Justine.

What do you think?   Should I accept payment through NFT's, bitcoin or good old mf'n poontang poutine, fucking money?

[Bart Ell]

So Bart, the Quebecois Minister of Health calls me up.  All hysterical and shit, right? Fm what I can gather fm his purty france talking mouf, is that he needs my testosterone.  He feels that if he can get a donation fm me, stab Justine in the ass with it, and use Savate to Savate his ass out of the area, he might, just might, get some manliness outta Justine.

What do you think?   Should I accept payment through NFT's, bitcoin or good old mf'n poontang poutine, fucking money?

Did they call you at the mall?
How long did it take you to get to the phone on your segway?
Did you have to toot your horn on your segway in order to get through the crowd at Cinnabon?
So many questions, Pal Blart, so many questions!

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Been looking at getting a Sauna for the house here. They are expensive but this one is quite affordable.  Thoughts?
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