Ask Bart Anything

[PB]

1. Baltimore - I saw things there, man.
2. Austin - Fuckers try too hard to be weird.
3. Niagara Falls, NY - We just need the one.
4. Plovdiv, Bulgaria - I met the devil in a jail there and he was a trickster!
5. Gainesville, Florida - If it is the type of nuke that would eliminate a city and then pull the land to the north and south of it together then it would be great way to shorten that drive.
6. Adelaide, Australia - A city of cunts.
7. Ottumwa, Iowa - That little prick on MASH made me hate it.
8. Sacramento, California -  Shit city that ruins the state.
9. Koblenz, Germany - In 2017 they cancelled an event I was working because of a terrorist threat. I feel I owe them one.
10. Calgary, Alberta - Because fuck 'em.

You couldn't make room for Martinez?

[HamsterMuscle]

You couldn't make room for Martinez?

[draws line thru "Narita, Japan"]  What city do you live in, again?

[HamsterMuscle]

Do you think that Jesus has to put up with dad jokes?

[Bart Ell]

You couldn't make room for Martinez?

They have suffered enough.

[Bart Ell]

Do you think that Jesus has to put up with dad jokes?

He does.
That is why he came up with ALS and MS.
Make a Jesus dad joke when you walk by him in heaven and he makes sure a member of your living family gets it.
He saves Alzheimer's for people who make nail jokes.

[HamsterMuscle]

Sir Bart,

I just noticed that two of my pairs of underwear have small holes (not in critical areas).  How many holes are acceptable before they have to be retired?

[TigerLily]

1. Baltimore - I saw things there, man.
2. Austin - Fuckers try too hard to be weird.
3. Niagara Falls, NY - We just need the one.
4. Plovdiv, Bulgaria - I met the devil in a jail there and he was a trickster!*
5. Gainesville, Florida - If it is the type of nuke that would eliminate a city and then pull the land to the north and south of it together then it would be great way to shorten that drive.
6. Adelaide, Australia - A city of cunts.
7. Ottumwa, Iowa - That little prick on MASH made me hate it.
8. Sacramento, California -  Shit city that ruins the state.
9. Koblenz, Germany - In 2017 they cancelled an event I was working because of a terrorist threat. I feel I owe them one.
10. Calgary, Alberta - Because fuck 'em.

A really well rounded list as in spread worldwide. Excellent reasons. And nobody will miss nothing in these spots
TigerLilly Approved

*I would nuke that one just for the name. But sounds like there is a very interesting Bartstory there

[TigerLily]

[draws line thru "Narita, Japan"]  What city do you live in, again?

I think PB lives in Berkeley. An awesome city which, of course he hates. I suggest we save Berkeley and just nuke PB. But it has to be a dud because I love irony

[Walks_At_Night]

A really well rounded list as in spread worldwide. Excellent reasons. And nobody will miss nothing in these spots
TigerLilly Approved

*I would nuke that one just for the name. But sounds like there is a very interesting Bartstory there

I'm curious why Calgary over Toronto?  Toronto is home to the Bart's Great Satan. 80 kilitons ends their misery and is the ultimate victory. Unless he just wants to keep them around so that they can continually get spanked in some sort of Dante Inferno-like purgatory. Year after year. Decade after decade. That's pretty sadistic though. Just mercy kill 'em.

I guess either way - Lanny gets it coming or going.
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[Bart Ell]

I'm curious why Calgary over Toronto?  Toronto is home to the Bart's Great Satan. 80 kilitons ends their misery

Yes, why would I want to end their misery.
The real reason is because I like to go to places like Oceans, Adonis and Seafood City for some of that fancy food we do not get down here.

[Walks_At_Night]

Yes, why would I want to end their misery.
The real reason is because I like to go to places like Oceans, Adonis and Seafood City for some of that fancy food we do not get down here.

Just go to Sarnia baby......   

[ShayP]

Toronto is home to the Bart's Great Satan.

I guess either way - Lanny gets it coming or going.

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Bart, is Lanny McDonald your "Great Satan?"

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart, is Lanny McDonald your "Great Satan?"

Well. Satan Incarnate anyway.
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[Bart Ell]

*I would nuke that one just for the name. But sounds like there is a very interesting Bartstory there

That's pretty much the whole story.
I got tossed in the jail for throwing one of their precious ruins at a guy trying to steal a guitar.
By ruins I mean a piece of crumbly rock.
Here is an actual photo from that day where you can see some crumbly rock.

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They like to toss people into jail for a little bit of that bribe money.
While in the cell I was visited by satan who offered to set me free.
While he was making his generous offer the cell door was opened and when I turned back he was gone.
I was getting pretty hungry and would have probably signed his offer if someone had not paid the bribe money and I was not set free at that very second.


Here is a picture not from that day and taken from the internet that shows what that place looks like during a concert.

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[Bart Ell]

Just go to Sarnia baby......   

Nobody needs to be doing that.
Ever.