Ask Bart Anything

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Say you are selling your home and the buyer's inspection report comes back with a line item of:

"Elmo is a lousy lay. Recommend that it be brought to a house of ill repute and be given fornication lessons from a licensed professional"

Do send the frigid little bugger to Amsterdam or what?

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

Say you are selling your home and the buyer's inspection report comes back with a line item of:

"Elmo is a lousy lay. Recommend that it be brought to a house of ill repute and be given fornication lessons from a licensed professional"

Do send the frigid little bugger to Amsterdam or what?

I would wonder what an Elmo was doing in my house.
I would also then order an Elmo so I could test it out for myself.

[KSM]

Do you ever re-watch early full seasons of Curd? For no particular reason started watching Season 4 a few days ago and got caught up for several hours. A lot of laughs, even if they were 're-laughs'

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[Bart Ell]

Do you ever re-watch early full seasons of Curd? For no particular reason started watching Season 4 a few days ago and got caught up for several hours. A lot of laughs, even if they were 're-laughs'

Not yet but I plan to at some point.

[KSM]

Not yet but I plan to at some point.

It's a good way to settle in on a bad weather day.

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

So the big thing here is RTO - Return To Office. I now have to go back to the House of Pain three days a week and toil in the wage cage as opposed to working from home 100% of the time. So after like three years of abandonment, stuff happens in buildings.  Some guy found a dead mouse under his desk and the effect on the populace was electric. Women screaming. Men swearing. People heading for the exits saying "This is not healthy or safe". A big ado over nothing really. Just throw the damn thing in the rubbish, spray some Lysol and move on with life. Nope. The minions are digging in their heels so much that the White Shoe Boys are engaging an "Eradication Subject Matter Expert" to deal with the mouse.

Meanwhile, when one enters the House of Pain, right by the entrance there are two 55 gallon drums of God Knows What just sitting there. Not one peep has been uttered about it. Typically one doesn't find large barrels of waste in an office building but there they are.

Why doesn't anyone give a damn, yet they trip balls over a mouse? 

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[Bart Ell]

Why doesn't anyone give a damn, yet they trip balls over a mouse? 

Same reason someone may bareback a person with aids but think twice if they have herpes - they fear what they can see.

[KSM]

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When they raided Dahmer's apartment they found a drum that was exactly like those. It contained to the rim a solution to dissolve body parts. When they opened it up, they found pieces of folks that were well into the process of..   well, you know.   @Walks_At_Night

[JUAN]

Hydrofluoric acid - see Breaking Bad episode 3.

[KSM]

Hydrofluoric acid - see Breaking Bad episode 3.

Bathtub falls through the ceiling. Laughed me ass off I did when I first saw that.

[whoozit]

Same reason someone may bareback a person with aids but think twice if they have herpes - they fear what they can see.

May I steal this example and use it at work?

[Bart Ell]

May I steal this example and use it at work?

Yeah but don't bother Bobby with it.

[KSM]

B'art,

You hate Eddie (I know everybody) Trunk. Is there a particular reason, or just coz you don't like the guy?

[KSM]

B'art,

You hate Eddie (I know everybody) Trunk. Is there a particular reason, or just coz you don't like the guy?

BTW if you just don't like the guy, that's fine too.

[Bart Ell]

B'art,

You hate Eddie (I know everybody) Trunk. Is there a particular reason, or just coz you don't like the guy?

I was working for an artist and we had a week off so I stayed in NYC to hang out with some other friends who were doing Conan that week.
One night a guy in that band invited ET to hang out.
Besides all the name dropping the fucker is always on, always gossiping about other bands.
My friend wasn't a fan of his either so he set him up by asking for some dirt on my employer.
ET started mouthing off about a bunch of made up stuff.
My friend then asked me if I ever heard of any of that before.
I told him I had not but I will ask when I head back out with him next week.
ET then started the back pedal saying these are just things he has heard.
This is the point where I told him more people would like him if he wasn't such a fat yenta.