Ask Bart Anything

[KSM]

Elk Brothers is perfect! The lion picture is horrible. It is my understanding that when a lady lion is in the mood. She is really in the mood - like she wants it 30 times a day.  After awhile the old boy can't perform anymore so to rev him back up, she gives him a ball bite until he delivers.
So what is downstairs?

Who said anything about a downstairs?

Oh, wait, the stairs pictured in the floor plan go down into the bomb shelter. That is also where I will keep the bodies people I kill.




Didn't know that about female lions    perhaps the men lions should form an aLIONnce!  hahahahahahahahahahahahahah  a-LIOaNce! Get it?

[Bart Ell]

What do you do that personalizes one greeting from another?
Do you put any thought behind each greeting or is it more like a form letter?
Do you leave the house and personally look for a card that reminds you of the member you will be sending it to  ??

I run a credit check on them and then decide if they get a pube included or not.
I may not leave the house as I am sure there are a pile of different cards here to choose from.
I also have thank you cards left over from a wedding nobody was invited to but still sent gifts for.
Not everyone appreciated the effort I put into those postcards.
It was also the first time I needed to use a pen in years!

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

Up above @KSM mentions that he once mailed a slice of ham to someone.  By a bizzare coincidence I too once mailed someone a hunk of ham back when I was in Engineering School [a long tale in and of itself].  Does that mean that KSM and I are what I think the young guys call "Eskimo Brothers"?

Yes and you now have the green light to fuck without judgement.

[whoozit]

Eskimo brothers?  You can't say that anymore coz you'll offend folks. The Edmonton ELKS will tell you!

We can be Elk brothers. ? 
Well if that's the case maybe I'll play it safe and get a 2nd Christmas card from Bart.

You think a new build will not come with things I will want to change?

Carpeted stairs. NOPE! Those are going to be swapped out for hardwood as will most of the top floor that is already carpeted. I will leave the guest rooms carpeted but the others like the master suite, bonus room, and the area around the top of the stairs (hallway?) will all be done in this unless I can find something a little more rustic looking -  https://www.homedepot.com/p/Bruce-Cappuccino-Maple-3-4-in-Thick-x-3-1-4-in-Wide-x-Varying-Length-Solid-Hardwood-Flooring-22-sq-ft-case-CM3745/202697672  You can see that I will have plenty of work to do, WAN. @Walks_At_Night If I take my time it will take me about a week and that includes the bedroom on the main floor (not shown)

Castrated lion? Good lord, no. And those were horrible pictures BTW

CORRECTION: The stairs will remain carpeted for when Vera becomes old and can no longer safely make her way up hard surface staircases.

I see you don’t have a Master Suite but an Owner’s Suite.  Whomever drew up those plans has a sense of humor, bowing to the political tides of the times yet somehow making it worse.

[ShayP]

Bart, may I have your address so I can mail you some ham?  Apparently that's a thing.

I appreciated the postcard you sent me.  I'm glad my credit score saved me from getting a pube.  The splash of cologne was a nice touch.  English Leather?

[KSM]

I see you don’t have a Master Suite but an Owner’s Suite.  Whomever drew up those plans has a sense of humor, bowing to the political tides of the times yet somehow making it worse.

On some floor plans we've seen that room listed as, Master Suite. But then you look at the landscaping plan and become somewhat bewildered at the burning crosses on the property diagrams. 

[Bart Ell]

Bart, may I have your address so I can mail you some ham?  Apparently that's a thing.

I appreciated the postcard you sent me.  I'm glad my credit score saved me from getting a pube.  The splash of cologne was a nice touch.  English Leather?

You didn't get a puble taped to the postcard?
I will need to fix that!

[PolkaDot]

You didn't get a puble taped to the postcard?
I will need to fix that!

So you don't wax?

[PolkaDot]

CHANGE OF PLANS, YOU MORONS! 

I'M LATE AND I'M SPOTTING

Is this your way of asking Bart to take a paternity test? Not very subtle. Oops, this is Bart's thread.
Bart, are you the father?

[Bart Ell]

So you don't wax?

So you don't know the difference between "a" pube and "my" pube.
Notice that was not a question.

[Bart Ell]

Is this your way of asking Bart to take a paternity test? Not very subtle. Oops, this is Bart's thread.
Bart, are you the father?

Only if mouth babies finally became reality.

[PolkaDot]

So you don't know the difference between "a" pube and "my" pube.
Notice that was not a question.

Excellent. On one hand I feel better about this, on the other...not...

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

I have not ridden a bicycle for a number of years. Today I rode one for 20+ miles and had no issues on the ride itself - which Mrs. Walks and I enjoyed immensely.  The issue is now my rump feels like it has gone ten rounds with Senda's cell mates. Any advice for fixing a sore bottom?


visitors can't see pics , please register or login

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

I have not ridden a bicycle for a number of years. Today I rode one for 20+ miles and had no issues on the ride itself - which Mrs. Walks and I enjoyed immensely.  The issue is now my rump feels like it has gone ten rounds with Senda's cell mates. Any advice for fixing a sore bottom?


visitors can't see pics , please register or login

Ask your wife to rub some Bengay on your bum and up your pooper.
It's not gay, it's Bengay!

[PolkaDot]

Bart,

I have not ridden a bicycle for a number of years. Today I rode one for 20+ miles and had no issues on the ride itself - which Mrs. Walks and I enjoyed immensely.  The issue is now my rump feels like it has gone ten rounds with Senda's cell mates. Any advice for fixing a sore bottom?


visitors can't see pics , please register or login

It’s your ass now, your sack tomorrow. Bag Balm. Trust me, I lived in Boulder for a number of years. I’ve heard all the horror stories.