Thank you everyone. I love and appreciate each and every one of you. I bookmarked these last few pages becuase, I think I'll need to see these posts again in the future. I truly love you all.
I'm sorry. I just get into a really dark place and I don't know what to do. The combination between my stress and my past and lack of ability to effectively cope take over. I thought I was past this. No, I'm not self harming or self medicating or anything, which is why I say don't worry. I just laid in bed and cried or slept, I completely shut down for, I guess a full day I lost from this. Now I'm just ashamed that it happened at all. I'm cleaning and playing video games and reading Ellgab today, Im taking it easy this weekend and will begin working again on Monday. It's not just the job, it's all aspects of my life that are just painful to me right now, or at least that's how I'm taking it. My life isn't even bad, I'm just so freaked out I'm going to lose everything and go back to living in hell that fear grips me and drags me down to a very horrible place. It's exhausting, and despite not moving much at all in the last day, I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I fall into a hole, I understand what you have so eloquently described here. It’s never one thing or another, just a rapid descent where you feel like you can’t stop going down and down until you slide to a halt and are just there.
I understand, and I know a few other people who post here understand. High functioners problem I like to call it.
Be well my friend, do what is right for you and how you feel is how you feel, it’s your normal.
