I've always admired your wit. Have your kids figured out that you are adverse to condiments? 
You would think they would because they ask me for mayo or miracle whip every time they are in my kitchen. If I was them I wouldn’t eat any condiments inside the fridge. I have no idea where they came from, who left them there or how long they’ve been in there. I actually look forward to when the electricity goes out for a few days. I can throw all of the crap out without feeling guilty.
About 15-20 years ago, there was a guy that survived for days after crashing down the side of the mountain in the snow in WV. If I understand correctly he was trapped in his vehicle and survived on packets of taco sauce or ketchup. If I had to die due to absence of ketchup I would die with my chin held high. I couldn’t find that article but I found a similar story about a guy in Oregon from 2019. I’m not adverse to taco sauce unless it’s that crap mixed with guacamole.
https://didyouknowfacts.com/a-man-trapped-in-the-snow-for-5-days-survived-on-taco-sauce-packets/I don’t consider barbecue sauce to be a condiment as long as it is applied during cooking. After that it kind of crosses the line.
I’d probably get accused of being a hypocrite for putting butter on toast or for adding nam pla (fish sauce) to Thai food. My defense would be that they just didn’t add enough of those before/as they were cooking.
Back in the early 80s I tried really hard to learn to eat ketchup with French fries. There was a burger joint that cut fresh potatoes throughout the day and fried them in peanut oil. Everyone raved about their fries and ketchup. 5 straight times I tried and couldn’t do it. Went back to just salt. Probably haven’t tasted ketchup since unless someone put it top of a slice of meatloaf (prior to cooking).
Salsa is a grey area. I eat lots of salsa. To keep from getting called a hypocrite I use my own bowl and just consider it to be like gazpacho, only eaten with a chip instead of a spoon.
So how can I love salsa and even barbecue sauce but gag over the taste of ketchup? Must be tied to some traumatic event as a child.
Mayonnaise is different. It just tastes like shit. But I eat eggs. And I don’t mind the taste of vinegar in anything else so maybe as a kid another traumatic event happened.
