Ask Bart Anything

[Walks_At_Night]

While it appears only one of his filthy little piggies took after him the truth is she is the only one who has not had the spigot installed yet.

Ahhhh. We do live in a wondeful age where such devices exist!

[Bart Ell]

Ahhhh. We do live in a wondeful age where such devices exist!

Unfortunately it does not fix their faces.

[bateman]

Dear Bart,

New research indicates a symptom of COVID may be restless anal syndrome. Have you had the 'rona, and if so, did you experience this issue? Were you previously familiar with restless anal syndrome? Thank you, and I'll take my answer off the air.

https://twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1443262374727888900

[KSM]

Dear Bart,

New research indicates a symptom of COVID may be restless anal syndrome. Have you had the 'rona, and if so, did you experience this issue? Were you previously familiar with restless anal syndrome? Thank you, and I'll take my answer off the air.

https://twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1443262374727888900

Restless Anal is a great name for a band. Or song.

..it's a stretch..

[Bart Ell]

Dear Bart,

New research indicates a symptom of COVID may be restless anal syndrome. Have you had the 'rona, and if so, did you experience this issue? Were you previously familiar with restless anal syndrome? Thank you, and I'll take my answer off the air.

https://twitter.com/disclosetv/status/1443262374727888900

Sounds like something I would have tried in high school to get butt sex from the dumber girls.
IT GOES AWAY IF I SPREAD SOME SQUATTER PASTE ON MY PEEPER AND MASSAGE YOU FROM THE INSIDE WITH IT!

[PolkaDot]

Dude, just get your EAD and then once you're settled down you can travel to Pittsburgh.  Upon arrival you will install quality flooring in my mancave.  Straight cash hommie!!! *You do quality work.  Then we will get shitfaced and raise hell.  I'm not kidding either.  Might need bail money.  I have a buddy who's with Capital One and I think he can transfer his frequent flyer miles.  Anyway, it's just a fantasy at this moment in time. 

@ShayP this seems like a terrible idea. I'm concerned for your welfare. Hanging out with @KSM will turn you into...well...let's just say I don't think it's a good idea. You seem like such a good guy, I'd hate to see that soured. I'm sure @Bart Ell would agree. Actually, he probably doesn't care, but if he did care he would agree with me. Right @Bart Ell ?

[PolkaDot]

Knew you had a reason. Or two. You do nice work. You going to try and do the same sort of butt stuff in Seattle?

You're welcome, Bart.

[KSM]

@ShayP this seems like a terrible idea. I'm concerned for your welfare. Hanging out with @KSM will turn you into...well...let's just say I don't think it's a good idea. You seem like such a good guy, I'd hate to see that soured. I'm sure @Bart Ell would agree. Actually, he probably doesn't care, but if he did care he would agree with me. Right @Bart Ell ?

Darling, you try waaaay too hard to disparage me and after awhile nobody's buying it. Jig has been up for some time now.

[PolkaDot]

Darling, you try waaaay too hard to disparage me and after awhile nobody's buying it. Jig has been up for some time now.

Sure, sure. Bottom line? Don't fuck with ShayP, I like him the way he is.

[Bart Ell]

@ShayP this seems like a terrible idea. I'm concerned for your welfare. Hanging out with @KSM will turn you into...well...let's just say I don't think it's a good idea. You seem like such a good guy, I'd hate to see that soured. I'm sure @Bart Ell would agree. Actually, he probably doesn't care, but if he did care he would agree with me. Right @Bart Ell ?

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Have you ever went out to a parking lot on a breezy night with intentions of hopping in your rig, only to see a goblin dive under a Hyundai?

[Walks_At_Night]

Bart,

Corollary to the question above. Let us suppose that you did see a goblin dive under a Hyundai in a parking lot.  Do you drive away and try not to think about it or do you pull its ass out from underneath the Hyundai, rough it up, throw it in a big dog cage and charge people $20 to poke at it with a stick?

[ShayP]

@ShayP this seems like a terrible idea. I'm concerned for your welfare. Hanging out with @KSM will turn you into...well...let's just say I don't think it's a good idea. You seem like such a good guy, I'd hate to see that soured. I'm sure @Bart Ell would agree. Actually, he probably doesn't care, but if he did care he would agree with me. Right @Bart Ell ?

It's a great idea! @PolkaDot  I think we'd have a blast.  I'm guessing you are familiar with the segment of the Chappelle Show where Dave goes on a ride with Wayne Brady.  I may just be like Wayne Brady in that sketch.    Ya never know.

Sure, sure. Bottom line? Don't fuck with ShayP, I like him the way he is.

I'll never change. 

[ShayP]

LOL!!!!

[Bart Ell]

Bart,

Corollary to the question above. Let us suppose that you did see a goblin dive under a Hyundai in a parking lot.  Do you drive away and try not to think about it or do you pull its ass out from underneath the Hyundai, rough it up, throw it in a big dog cage and charge people $20 to poke at it with a stick?

I never had the goblin experience but I did once see a little person that I wanted to capture and keep in my car as a pet/pal.
I was with my friend Jimmy and we drove by said little person and I had the idea of circling back to pick him up and have him stand on the back seat and lean between us like Pesci in that movie.
I can't remember what movie, BRB.

Got it, Leathal Weapon

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PS - Jimmy is not black... not that there is anything wrong with that.

PPS - We did circle back but the little nugget was gone!

PPPS - I am not black either.