I am willing to read all six paragraphs should you feel so inclined.
Just as long as it doesn’t include graphic details of their colostomy bags.
OK... I tried to use voice recognition, hope there's no errors.
These two dried up old fruit moved in a few years ago... They are both state/city government retirees and, through a website called Transparent California, I was able to see that they get about a $250,000 in cash benefits every year. They announced that they were moving there so that they could spend more time with their grandkids.
Since moving in, the kids have been over twice. The old couple bought all sorts of outdoor things like a ping pong table, basketball hoop, BBQ, bikes, etc. You can tell that they wanted to create a welcoming atmosphere for the kids. More on that later.
They are liberal as fuck. BLM signs in the yard, on their gate and bumper stickers on their cars (Prius and Leaf).
Soon after moving in, I caught them snooping around a neighbor's house. The neighbor was not there. These guys were really suspicious, looking in windows, pulling on doorknobs, etc... I went to them and asked if I could help. From that point, they never would speak to me directly until they parked at the end of my driveway just a couple of days ago...
Also warned them, when they first moved in, that coyotes liked to come through the neighborhood from the canyon. The couple has a couple of dogs. Er, had a couple of dogs. They would let their dogs run loose in the yard barking for hours. One was snatched up pretty quick. The other, a Collie (stupid as fuck dog) was attacked later. Currently, they have two different dogs. Lassie didn't die from the attack, but it wasn't around later.
They get their groceries and restaurant food delivered to them. I know this because most of the time the driver waits and waits until they answer the call to announce they've arrived. I've seen it last 15 to 20 minutes on a regular basis. I have made it a point now to always tell these drivers that if they don't immediately answer just leave because they regularly do this. I don't give a fuck what they think about me and it is horrible to treat those delivery people so badly.
That particular house also problems with one of our cable providers, previous neighbors have told me that the connection at the house was bad. So, they've had the cable company out numerous times. Not a word from my lips. They deserve it.
Passive aggressive? Malicious? Hehehehe...
So, this couples' daughter has a few kids, maybe four, maybe five. The first time she came by, without the kids, I heard her say very specifically that she did not bring them by because she doesn't want the hassle of picking them up later. How do I know that? She screamed it from her car back to her parents as she was storming off.
I have also heard her say, loudly, that she can only take visiting them for so long.
They're nasty old trolls.
Needless to say, most of my neighbors know that I work on Priuses and I have gone over to check out neighbors cars. I have Toyota software along with just generic scanners and I can diagnose a lot of stuff, program key chips and remotes, even change how the turn signals work...
When the couple's Prius did not start, they filtered a request for help through another neighbor. My response was "Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, there's a lot of little things you gotta do to keep them performing well..." I would have helped diagnose the problem, at the very least, if they came over and asked me in a proper non-passive aggressive way...
Every year they would buy a whole bunch of new furniture. I would always get my hopes up that they were moving. Well, it finally happened this week. Furniture left the house had nothing went back in.
They had a big truck in front of their house and the dried up old lady liberal pulled right into my driveway, put it in park and got out. I was in my garage and yelled out to her asking how long she was planning on being there. I did not get a direct response. I believe it was more of a muttered "fuck you" followed by a louder and clearer "not long enough." As that was happening, the man came over and supported her with some more acid-tongued assholery. I am really big on "keep off of my property" shit. I've had previous issues 25+ years ago and I had taken to physical violence to protect my property and those inside my home.
And that is when I said "Thank you for confirming my initial suspicions that you were walking colostomy bags." I then said that I reserve the right to limit the mobility of their car and have it towed at their expense...
I said it loud enough that the movers could hear it, even a couple of neighbors. After, the movers could be heard saying "put the car here."
Thing is, I was serious about my threat. I have a lockable steel towing cable that I would have threaded through the wheel and I would have called a tow truck. I was taking out the cable from a storage bin when the movers told her to move it. They might have seen me.
These idiots also wear masks even if alone sorting through the garage, taking their new dogs for a walk, in their cars alone, always a mask on. Sheeple.
Those fuckers are finally out. My dream neighbor would be a singer songwriter with whom I could empty out my back catalog of songs and her husband have a killer car lift in the garage a couple of golden retrievers and some personalities that aren't minion-minded.
Seriously, I'm not a bad neighbor, I won't shit on anybody's lawn, don't make noise, don't impede on others' lives, personal space or peace, but you best not shit on my yard or vengeance is on the table.
This couple was a colostomy bag in the hot sun, about to explode with nastiness.
Wish me luck in my new neighbors. No kids, no 6-car collections, no 5 a.m. motorcycle revving and no fucking half stack Marshalls unless she's in an all-girl toga-costumed tribute to Duran Duran called "Girls on Film."
Argh. Long enough? Happy, you two?
🙄🙄🙄
