The 100 Years Ago Thread

[Bart Ell]

Find even worse coffee than the neighbor uses, and lend that.

Put me down for this answer, too.

[Walks_At_Night]

Thompson will tell her to stop buying coffee and move to Coca-Cola. It is nutrious. It is delicious. It is more modern and it is consistent.  There is no "not as  good" as it is always good.

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[ShayP]

Perhaps you should mention the brand of coffee you are giving her and where you get it.  Then, maybe she will get the hint and return the same thing.

[Bobs Your Uncle]

                       From the Library of Congress, 1921.

                      What Will Mrs. Thompson Say?

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Mrs. Thomson has quite the clever solution to L. B. P.'s problem.  What do you think she will say?  If you come close to what she says, you will win 100 points.  If you are spot on to what she says, you will win 500 points.  Good luck.

Mrs. Thompson will advise L. B. P. to buy some of the same coffee that her neighbor buys along with her regular high quality coffee. The next time her neighbor comes over to borrow coffee she should give her the poorer quality coffee and tell her they liked it so much they decided to switch brands.

[FISH]

Mrs. Thompson will advise L. B. P. to buy some low grade coffee to give to the borrowing neighbor. L. B. P. will explain to her neighbor that there is no need to replace the borrowed coffee. Blame the husband. He wants to try out different grades of coffee.

[JUAN]

Ah, yes.  I forgot the blame the husband part.

[PB]

Keep the coffee she gives you, and lend her that when she asks

[anniem]

                       From the Library of Congress, 1921.

                      What Will Mrs. Thompson Say?

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Mrs. Thomson has quite the clever solution to L. B. P.'s problem.  What do you think she will say?  If you come close to what she says, you will win 100 points.  If you are spot on to what she says, you will win 500 points.  Good luck.

Save the coffee that is paid back by the neighbor and use it to give to the neighbor next time she asks to borrow.

[Mr Apnea]

Tell her you are a converted Mormon and can't drink coffee anymore

The Mrs. says to buy the cheapest crap you can find and give that to these moochers.  Used grounds are even better.  Objective is to get them to go away.

[Rikki Gins]

From the Library of Congress.  The Rock Island Argus and Daily Union., September 06, 1921.

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[TigerLily]

Per the Mrs. Thompson question:  Borrow coffee from the neighbor and return it to her next time she asks to borrow coffee. Build up a stock so you have enough on hand to lend back

[Rikki Gins]

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Save the poor quality coffee that the neighbor returned and give it back to her when she wants to borrow more of L.B.P.'s better tasting coffee.

@whoozit: 500 points
@PB: 500 points
@anniem: 500 points
@Camazotz Automat: 100 points
@juan: 100 points
@Bart Ell: 100 points
@Walks_At_Night: 100 points
@ShayP: 100 points
@Bobs Your Uncle: 100 points
@FISH: 100 points
@Mr Apnea: 100 points
@TigerLily: 100 points

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  L.B.P.'s coffee of choice.
 

[Camazotz Automat]

What if ....

Dear L.B.P.,

I absolutely guarantee that your
problem is already instantly solved!

But first, may I inquire as to what
your neighbor does with her time
when she isn't afflicting you with
her disgusting coffee?

I wonder about her. Does she have
guests over that frequently? Do they
look like no-good socialites?

They are the worst! Business owners,
journalists, columnists, writers.

I can easily imagine.

Does she seem a bit preoccupied? So
much so that perhaps she lost track
(three times in two years) of time and
neglected ordering that horrendous
imported Turkish coffee from that
unscrupulous dealer  that for some
reason charges her twelve times what
you pay for your majestic Folger's?
And thus was forced to turn to her neighbor
for assistance three times while the Earth
circled the Sun a deuce?

Rest easy, my dear  friend. I guarantee your
throned husband will never suffer the payback
of lended coffee ever again from her. Never will
you stoop to brewing that ridiculously priced
effluvium imbibed by kings and queens and counts
and sages in worlds far outside your circle.

Imagine the nerve of her! Believing she was doing
you a kindness in return for helping her in her
moments of need!

I will mail your measuring spoon that you mistakenly
left in that rotund little tin urn of cremains you call coffee.
The little silver darling is quite the heirloom, and I know
you must  miss it.

Much as you will miss me.  As no do doubt will your
husband. Such a dear man; after his searching arns were 
properly introduced to my hatpin.

So much for his  "reaching 'round the world for exotic 
coffee." So to speak.

Even now, I prepare your silver symbol of measured 
marital bliss for the post. Wedding gift, was it n't? From
his dear mother. You will likely never hear the end of it from
him (nor her) if this spoon is lost.
 
Affectionately,
Mrs. Thompson

P.S.

Please accept the enclosed hatpin as my gift to you
and to your outstanding, generous, pincushion man.
Do not falter in truly "giving it to him."

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[Rikki Gins]

That was great, Cam.  I especially liked the

that rotund little tin urn of cremains you call coffee.

part.

[PB]

Save the poor quality coffee that the neighbor returned and give it back to her when she wants to borrow more of L.B.P.'s better tasting coffee.

@whoozit: 500 points
@PB: 500 points
@anniem: 500 points
@Camazotz Automat: 100 points
@juan: 100 points
@Bart Ell: 100 points
@Walks_At_Night: 100 points
@ShayP: 100 points
@Bobs Your Uncle: 100 points
@FISH: 100 points
@Mr Apnea: 100 points
@TigerLily: 100 points

We all make fine, fair neighbors