Stupid crap my Father-in-law says

[Astro Bitch]

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Funny thing that you mention grocery store, today I took F-I-L to Publix(local grocery store) two persons infront of us was talking to the cashier and she replied "Boy it is cold outside" it was about 30 deg and the second lady replied " You southern people don't know what cold is, were from Minnesota and this isn't cold"  F-I-L all of a sudden snapped and said "Well, you are not in Minnesota are you, you see those Palm Trees outside, we are in South Carolina and it's fucking cold, why don't you take your ass back to Minnesota and enjoy your cold and your snow".  Everyone in line just laughed except for that lady.

[Astro Bitch]

Father-In-Law was born in Punxsutawney as was hubby and is now pissed that we do not want to go there for Ground Hog Day to eat free cherry pie and ice creame.

[Astro Bitch]

Father-in-law tried to register with chat for mushmouth with the name Dyck Peckerwood and surfernaught told him to change it or he will boot and F-I-L replied " how about I put my boot so far up your ass you will be able to tell when the last time I used Kiwi" and he got booted

[PolkaDot]

Today I looked out the kitchen window and saw Cassie(my daughter) lying across Louie's (my Boxer dog) back with her arms around his neck, I opened the window and asked her what she was doing to Louie and she replied that she was putting the sleeper hold on him but it is not working like it did when grand dad put it on DeAndre.  I asked him about it and fil said that the sleeper doesn't work on animals because the arteries are in the wrong place then said she needs a human to practice on I told him to stop teaching my kids to be violent and he called me feckless and where would I be if my ancestors felt that way then said he was only teaching DeAndre the only rule that counts as a man and this is his exact words “If someone puts their hands on you make sure they never put their hands on anybody else again.”  I asked DeAndre what grand dad WAS TEACHING HIM AND RE SAID "violence of action" I asked him what that meant and he said I had to ask Grand Dad because I wouldn't understand.

I've missed these stories! 

[Belles]

I've missed these stories! 

Me too!

[paladin1991]

Father-in-law tried to register with chat for mushmouth with the name Dyck Peckerwood and surfernaught told him to change it or he will boot and F-I-L replied " how about I put my boot so far up your ass you will be able to tell when the last time I used Kiwi" and he got booted

[Sofia]

Funny thing that you mention grocery store, today I took F-I-L to Publix(local grocery store) two persons infront of us was talking to the cashier and she replied "Boy it is cold outside" it was about 30 deg and the second lady replied " You southern people don't know what cold is, were from Minnesota and this isn't cold"  F-I-L all of a sudden snapped and said "Well, you are not in Minnesota are you, you see those Palm Trees outside, we are in South Carolina and it's fucking cold, why don't you take your ass back to Minnesota and enjoy your cold and your snow".  Everyone in line just laughed except for that lady.

I did not see that ending coming at all.  He is predictable but full of surprises.

In 1983, a friend’s grandmother walked up to a Japanese couple shopping in the grocery store and told them she was finally able to forgive them for Pearl Harbor.

Oh my goodness.  Massive retaliation does make forgiveness easier.

[Astro Bitch]

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Well Dad got back from Punxsutawney last night and today around 11 Am he and Louie were sitting on the front porch when the Fed-EX man drove up to deliver a package, when the Fed-Ex man saw Louie on the porch he pulled his Mace and Dad told him " Boy, if you don't holster that shit, if you spray this dog I am going to jam it so far down your mouth your asshole will burn".  The FEd-Ex guy just left and we got a call from the Fed-Ex place that we have to come and pick up the package because they do not deliver to hostile environments.  Not even home for 24 hrs and he still manages to cause some type of incident.

[26 horses]

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Well Dad got back from Punxsutawney last night and today around 11 Am he and Louie were sitting on the front porch when the Fed-EX man drove up to deliver a package, when the Fed-Ex man saw Louie on the porch he pulled his Mace and Dad told him " Boy, if you don't holster that shit, if you spray this dog I am going to jam it so far down your mouth your asshole will burn".  The FEd-Ex guy just left and we got a call from the Fed-Ex place that we have to come and pick up the package because they do not deliver to hostile environments.  Not even home for 24 hrs and he still manages to cause some type of incident.

Have to ask, who is "Louie" and does he bite?

[Sofia]

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Well Dad got back from Punxsutawney last night and today around 11 Am he and Louie were sitting on the front porch when the Fed-EX man drove up to deliver a package, when the Fed-Ex man saw Louie on the porch he pulled his Mace and Dad told him " Boy, if you don't holster that shit, if you spray this dog I am going to jam it so far down your mouth your asshole will burn".  The FEd-Ex guy just left and we got a call from the Fed-Ex place that we have to come and pick up the package because they do not deliver to hostile environments.  Not even home for 24 hrs and he still manages to cause some type of incident.

Something tells me a little mace would just fuel Louie onward.  What kind of dog is Louie?  How old is he?  How cute is he?  Is he smart?

[Astro Bitch]

Louie is a boxer, just over a year old, I will post a few pics of him when I get them.

[GravitySucks]

Louie is a boxer, just over a year old, I will post a few pics of him when I get them.

What was in the FedEx package?

[Astro Bitch]

What was in the FedEx package?

Don't know, the guy never delivered it, went right back into his truck and drove off, have to go to the FedEx place and pick it up.

[Sofia]

Have you ever You Tubed "funny boxers?"  They are incredible dogs but also very strong and protective.

https://twistedsifter.com/videos/funny-dog-honks-car-horn/   Boxer left in car on a NOT hot day still protests.

[GravitySucks]

Have you ever You Tubed "funny boxers?"  They are incredible.

Much funnier than briefs.